06 April 2011

...was the worst day of my life.

On April 6, 2011, my whole world crashed. My greatest dream was shattered.

I WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO ATTEND THE UP CHE RECOGNITION RITES ON FRIDAY.

and it hurts me so bad na di ko kasabay magma-march ang batchmates ko, specially yung closest friends ko (SPF 14). Tapos three of them pa will be graduating with honors -- sina Chinkee (magna cum laude), Celina and Rox (cum laude). It hurts na I wouldn't be able to celebrate the graduation ceremonies with them.

but what hurts me the most is the fact that thesis is not the sole cause. Matatanggap ko pa sana kung ang dahilan ay ang di ko pagtapos ng thesis eh, kaso di muna tinuloy ang pag-check ng thesis ko dahil sa problema sa isang major subject. 

and dahil dito, nakita akong umiyak ng FT friends ko for the first time in five years. :| Pag-iyak na pinagsisihan ko since wala namang sense ang iniiyakan ko. but hey, what can I do? Mahirap itago ang sama ng loob. of course, masama ang loob ko nung time na yun. MASAMANG-MASAMA. Wearing the sablay on time was my greatest dream, of course after ko malaman na I passed UPCAT (which meant I would be able to study in UP). I tried so hard na ipasa ang remaining subjects ko para naman on time akong ga-graduate.

But to no avail.

For the past few days, I kept on thinking what the hell went wrong. I even thought, "Am I that f*cking stupid?" 'cause my prof kept on claiming that I wasn't able to get the basic concepts of her subject. Oh shoot. I just don't want to discuss any further details. And I hope Chinkee wasn't that disappointed with me after what happened (siya kasi ang naging instant tutor ko, or should I say yung first option na binigay sa 'kin, bago ako nag-take ulit ng exam nung April 6).

On a good note, I was lucky that I didn't get a failing grade on that subject. That saves me from the horror of taking the same subject again (lalo na at every second sem lang siya kinukuha). But getting a conditional grade and having summer remedial sessions with my prof? Eh para na ring nakakuha ng singko ang feeling nun eh, lalo na kung ina-anticipate mo nang gagraduate ka kasabay ng batchmates mo.

And if someone asks me, "pupunta ka ba sa 15?" I would flatly answer, "No". I'm still disappointed and heartbroken with what happened. And attending the graduation ceremonies would only cause me much more pain inside.

Or maybe, something will make me change my mind and make me go to the grad ceremonies instead.